HELLO EVERYBODY! :D i am in the awesomest mood i’ve ever been in :) and this isn’t even a mood, this is a state of being. i can’t begin to explain just how great i feel today. and today i am completely alone, my phone won’t work, my boyfriend and parents are at work/school the whole day, my friends are all busy so i can’t meet them, and all my school friends have somehow disappeared from my life (or i from theirs), BUT I DON’T FEEL IN THE LEAST BIT LONELY! :D

i’m writing this, and i know i haven’t really written in awhile, and in doing so i want to protect the preciousness of this moment, to know that i can always come back and read this and remember to take time and enjoy life for the way it is. God has made it so beautiful. honestly, the world is so so so so beautiful!

i went to the movies alone, bought my ticket and popcorn with an australian accent, just because i can and because no one cares, watched a great chick flick, smiled at everyone i met! oh with the gentle sun beaming down on me, grooving to usher while sitting at the bus stop, the wind in my bouncy hair, wearing yesterday’s dress, i feel undefeatable!

this feeling must be remembered, this state of being. what is it? it’s freedom. it is this invincibility. this doesn’t mean i cannot be destroyed, but invincibility comes with the knowledge that at any moment i can be destroyed, yet being completely at ease with this because i know who’s got my back :D (winks at the Big Daddy up there). it is a wonderful feeling. i am beautiful, i am free, i am successful, i am confident, i rock, everyone loves me, and those who don’t, don’t matter.

i honestly feel like i am at the top of the world! and it’s not because anyone told me anything, not because of a good chick flick or popcorn, not even because i’ve got great hair today, but it’s based on this foundation in my God, knowing that i don’t have to be best at everything, i don’t have to be the slimmest, the most beautiful, the most eloquent, the numero uno, i just have to be the best me there is! and if being this best me means i fail sometimes, then so be it! because i am still greatly loved and highly esteemed. and so are you!

I have so much more to say, but i really don’t know how to express this. this is happiness and joy at it’s finest in the afternoon. today i found a lil piece of me, a piece i thought had died. but hey! it’s here!

today’s the kinda day i wear what i want, i don’t need a bra, i don’t need make up, i don’t need a lot of money, i just be, i just am. and this, this is awesome :)

dear future Grace, please remember this. when in office, don’t let the walls and the systems break down the freedom you’ve been given, don’t ever let the numbers, the grades, the opinions of the world take you down. you are the best there ever was, you are the daughter of the Most High, you have a love that can never be removed, neither life nor death, nor angels or demons, nor anything else can ever separate you from this love. this love is given to you, it’s yours. take it and remember the price has been paid and you are free! love the sun, love the rain, love everything that has been created! every moment has been given to you to make the fullest of it. whether this means you need to take some time off alone, or to just list down things that you appreciate, or excelling, etc whatever it is, do. and do it all in love, make someone’s day, heal a hurt, meet someone’s need, love somebody everyday. your weekly schedule means nothing in eternity, so don’t be bogged down by the to-do lists. you will lose things in life, you will get injured, you will be stepped on, but though this may be, you are invincible. not on your strength, no, but on His. and that’s all that counts, that’s all that matters. i love you, Grace.. God loves you, even if you find yourself alone :)

[came across this from 5 months back. and it always brings me back to who i wanna be amidst the clutter of the storm. recalibration, refresh, reduce. let’s go.]

so here goes: i wanna be the girl that radiates from the inside out. one who has been through much, and will go through much more, but one who will take life’s lessons and weave it into a beautiful gown to wear and show the world what i’ve learned.

i wanna be the girl who is beautiful and pure, the one who causes guys and girls to do double-takes, not just cos i’m pretty or dress well or smell nice (although all those 3 should be me too) but because of an inner magnet that draws people.. that inner magnet which is my intimacy with God.

i wanna be the girl who has long flowy hair, straight severe bob, messy outtabed hair, anything and everything i feel like for the season. i wanna be the girl with flowers in my hair all the time.

i wanna wear flowy dresses and skirts which never end. i wanna wear prints and loud colours, black statement pieces and simple cream things. i wanna be the girl who always has pretty accessories, but doesn’t fall victim to the comfort of hiding behind them.

i wanna be the girl who has big dreams and big passions and who has the guts to carry them out. i wanna be the girl who will always love, always be filled with the joy of the Lord, always be giving, generous, selfless and hopeful. i wanna be the girl who never tires. the one who always gives but always receives. the girl who never lets life or status quo get her down.

i wanna be the girlfriend who is always supportive, never angry, never boastful or prideful. i wanna be the girlfriend who will always be there, never be too demanding, always be spontaneous and surprising, one who will fight for romance and never let the fire die out. i wanna be the girlfriend who takes your breath away, who makes you weak in the knees, who makes you feel like you’re young again, yet makes you want to be a better man. i wanna be the girlfriend who eventually becomes your wife/domestic goddess/ milf (cos being hot is still necessary).

i wanna be the girl who is also a woman.

i want to never forget how to have fun or be sexy. i want to be fun, adventurous, daring, new, refreshed, energized, yet determined, hardworking, brave, risk-taking, stiletto-wearing, power office lady, womanly mother, loving wife, caring daughter, generous missionary, loyal friend, passionate lover of God.

i want to never forget to accept compliments and to give them out, to never forget to exercise to take care of myself for me and for my husband. i want to never forget how to ninja out of the house for icecream/wanton mee with my daddy. i want to never forget how to paint my momma’s nails. i want to never forget the importance of sitting at God’s feet and simply loving Him. and more. but its 2am and i’m sleepy. there is so much i wanna do/be.

God help me. help me be that woman You’ve set me apart to be.

SO. it’s been awhile. i haven’t felt the need to blog and actually every time i read old blogs i periodically find myself explaining why i haven’t blogged and blah blah blah.. i told myself not to type that. not to explain my lack of blogging cos honestly, who’s even reading? or, even if a million people are reading, it’s my blog and it’s my right to blog whenever i want (or don’t) isn’t it? haha i’m weird.

this year has been a whirlwind. rushing through the last few projects, sleepless weeks, making super close friends, graduating. then there was the traveling, oh how i love the traveling. batam build, chilling in krabi, church camp in melaka, missions in the philippines, diving in tioman, diving in komodo, missions in kalimantan, KL for the women’s conference, and i’ll probably be in tioman again in october, and the family’s gonna be spending Christmas in Lembeh.. i love this traveling lifestyle. LOVE. IT. i can’t imagine what it’d be like being stuck in singapore forever and not ever having trips to look forward to. 

and now i’m starting on another phase of the year. (how can one year be so short but have so many phases?!) INTERNSHIP. yay! PTL that both Chuan and I have miraculously gotten internships of our choice. My story’s kinda insane. Before i left for Mt H, i had an internship position secured, but when i told them i needed to take leave in december for a family trip, they turned me down. So i was jobless, and rushed around trying to get another internship. The second job i secured lied about the pay, and instead of the salary i was expecting, i was only going to get $500. so i thought, you’re irrelevant to my field of study, you’re paying lowly, i have to bring my own gear…. no. i spent another 2 weeks looking for an internship, and a company related to PR was offering me $800! i thought that was God’s way of saying “this is it”. BUT…. I got an email from O and that sealed the deal. it’s THE biggest advertising firm in the world! 

It won’t pay much, the hours are insanely long, but i’m so excited to start work cos i can’t wait to begin to draw from the wealth of experience and lessons this company will give me. it will also look SUPER good on my resume. i am wordlessly excited for monday :)

God’s been so so so good to Chuan and myself.. we really thank God for His hand over our lives and every time we look back through the year, we are always amazed by what God has been doing and what He is STILL doing.. 

there are 3 months left to the year, and i have so so much on my plate. there’s planning youth camp, executing and planning Flea for Freedom, there’s my cell (which needs to grow more!), there’s music ministry, there’s girls’ ministry, there’s my cell’s batam mission trip in nov to be planned, there’s the GoP book drop to be planned and executed… and throughout all that madness, there’s the beauty of being able to sit in my room on the lap of God and know that He’s at the eye of the storm. 

2011 has been quite a ride, and we’re only 3/4 done :) i’ve got SO much to thank God for.. so so much.