Can I just be super honest? This isn’t easy. Haha I guess I expected it to be tough, I expected it to be difficult, but I wasn’t prepared for it to be THIS hard. You know what’s the hardest part? The hardest part is not having anything to do. And because I have nothing to do, I find myself thinking about home a lot, and I end up crying. And crying. And crying. And crying. I’ve been crying since I got on the plane and I haven’t stopped crying since. I cried before I skyped my family, I cried when I skyped them. I cried after I skyped them. I cried before bathing. I cried when I was bathing. I cried before I slept. I cried when I woke up at midnight. I cried when I was wrapping books. I cried when I was walking alone. I cried. I cried. And I cry all the time!
The darndest thing is, I DON’T KNOW WHY I AM CRYING. Anything will trigger the tears. Seeing a cute kid laugh, when someone asks me when I’m going to get married, when someone asked me about Singapore and I said “I love Singapore”. I feel so helpless and stupid. Like, WHY AM I EVEN CRYING? I have only been here for 2 days!
Daddy keeps telling me to be strong… and I guess at this point, it’s the only thing I can do. OR, tuck my tail between my legs and head home. But that’s stupid cos I’ve only been here for 2 days.
Dear God,
You sent me here. So please do a miracle and help me stop crying. Help me stop missing home and my parents and Chuan. Help me to be useful here. Grant me the gift of understanding, that I may be able to converse with the people here in Bahasa. Please come and reveal to me your purpose for my life. Please speak to me and tell me what to do. Tell me how to go through those 3 days alone. Teach me, I pray. I need you now, more than ever. I love you. I love you so very much. And I really need you now Lord.
Grace.
i know this will get better. i know it.
